Monday, November 24, 2008

Broken Dam

Im not quite sure why, but today I feel like a dam broke!...........Im sure it has nothing to do with the past several, emotional months, like the sickness and passing of our Angel Rodger, a new grandson that I adore, Deryck and Brittany getting married, my youngest sister Kristy and her husband John FINALLY getting the baby boy they have been praying for, for several years now (I will post about that beautiful baby boy, Jacob on a later post) helping family members through trials, getting the devastating news that one of my favorite uncles has Pancreatic Cancer, a neice and her husband having trials with Social Services and foster children, Kevin going back to work after nearly two months of vacation (graveyards to boot), I love having him home and near me, etc., etc., etc.,.........

After two straight hours of non stop, much needed tears, (Kevin will be so happy he is at work when he reads this) I have decided to use my Blogging as therapy since there is no legitimate "nut house" open on a Sunday and at this hour. I have spent way to many years being "the fixer", the "fixer" for everyone else. Tonight however it is my turn. I am going to use my fixing abilities on myself and talk myself through this (you all are lucky enough to be able to tune into "As Lori's World Turns" UPSIDE DOWN and back again!).
Blogging Therapist; Do you get at least eight hours of sleep every night, go to bed at a decent hour and rise and shine refreshed?
Lori; To be very honest....NO. Just in case nobody noticed nearly all of my posts have been done after the magic hour of 1:00 am. I don't remember the last time I went to bed before 2:00 am. Im sure this has contributed to my current state of mind. I vow right now to TRY to do better and to get my sleep........
Blogging Therapist; Why do you feel the need to "Fix" everything, and everyone?
Lori; Because I Love everyone so much that it pains me to see them hurt, or have struggles. I am trying to learn that everyone must go through certain struggles in life to grow. I must learn to be a listener and realize that I cannot save the world (although I would if I could). I read something the other day that told me that I cannot and should not try to fix everyones problems. Because, as I said before there is a reason (far more complex) than I can understand, for each one to endure their individual tests and trials. By interfering, I am limiting each ones ability to have personal growth. But, I will not stop being a friend or listener...........sorry........thats just how it has to be! Keep in mind that "Old habits die hard" and I may revert back to my fixing ways every now and again.
Blogging Therapist; Do you ever use the phrase "What If?"
Lori; Yes, all the time. I am constantly saying "What if the economy gets worse" or "What if our kids fall on hard times?", "What if someone has less than I do?" "What if someone I love gets a terminal disease?"........"What if"..........."What if"............."What if"............. you get my drift. I am working on realizing that there are several things in my life that I have control over and MANY that I do not, the "What ifs". I need to spend my precious time focusing on the things I can control and less time on the "What ifs" that I obviously have no control over.
Blogging Therapist; What will you do to keep from reverting back to your old ways?
Lori; I will understand that I cannot change anyone, nor can I save the world, as much as I would love to be able to. I will love unconditionally, I will forgive quickly, I will accept everyone as they are.
Blogging Therapist; Do you realize that you are having a therapy session with a computer and yourself? And that it is again after 3:00 am?
Lori; I am?????? Just kidding......yes I do, but I must say this session helped tremendously. I only hope that my insurance will cover the bill!


[Somebody Loved] said...

It sounds to me that you were due for a few tears. Crying is such a great emotional release... one that doesn't happen as often as it used to for me.

I never thought about a bloggy-therapist before. However, when you think about blogging in general it is therapy.

My mother died from Pancreatic cancer 5 years ago. (Novemeber 15, 2003) I miss her so much.


South Meadows Relief Society Sisterx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danila said...

I love this Lori, I think I need to do something like this as well.

Something I've realized lately is we tend to worry about those things that we have no control over. Therefore, the things that we can control we usually don't worry too much about. I found this quote and thought you might like it.

I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; and the only polishing I get is when some corner gets rubbed off by coming in contact with something else, striking with accelerated force against religious bigotry, priest-craft, lawyer-craft, doctor-craft, lying editors, suborned judges and jurors, and the authority of perjured executives, backed by mobs, blasphemers, licentious and corrupt men and women—all hell knocking off a corner here and a corner there. Thus I will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty. Joseph Smith